Regularness

While I'd love to give you guys a bunch of amazing pictures, I don't have any right now. Sometimes - when moments like these come around - I get that 'my-post-won't-be-good-enough' feeling. It's a feeling that derives from what content control can't hide - the regularness (a new word that I just made up) that I tend to tell myself isn't worth sharing on my blog.. because it's too regular and too boring and too self-explanatory to my readers. When that feeling comes around, I know I need to step out of my whiny, perfectionist box and just push myself to write. Plus, an update never hurts.

To start, this week is my reading week - a week off from school to read slash a university student's excuse to sleep in. For me, it's a time to go insane over planning Carter's 2nd birthday party which is coming up very soon!

I can't believe that I have such a handsome and lively toddler who I could swear I was just swaddling and cradling in my arms five minutes ago. It is crazy how fast they grow. And that line may sound seriously cliche and over said and just so 'mom-ish.' But it's true! And it doesn't help when motherhood makes you the biggest sap (like in my case). It's like my heart keeps whispering, "Stop growing now, baby. I just want to enjoy this for a little while longer." What other kind of love can make you so crazy to the point that you want to deal with tantrums? I can't say that there is anything like motherhood.

Motherhood has changed me so much. Or wait. Let me rephrase that. I think that motherhood has brought out a really great part of my heart, the part of me that is loving and compassionate and self-less. As a teenager, I thought I didn't have any use for that part of myself and it just remained locked away. But now, it is everything to me. And my life is really centred around being whole-hearted. You know, not being perfect but just doing everything with good intentions, appreciation, and faith. I guess it is also called growing up.

Take now as an example. I am undoubtedly tired. But I cannot put my head to rest. I don't want to close my eyes and I don't want to fall asleep (sorry! Had to add a little Aerosmith in there) because I would rather gaze at Carter while he sleeps. His cheeks are still chubby and they are quite rosy right now thanks to his eczema. He looks extremely peaceful. I wonder what he dreams about.

I may not be able to see into his dreams but I do know that when he is awake he is full of joy. He's always laughing and he loves his family. On my birthday last Saturday he walked into my room while I was asleep. I woke up after hearing his little footsteps and I said, "Good morning, Carter! Guess what! It's my birthday today!" He cuddled beside me and he softly said, "Happy birthday, Mommy." Oh man, did that make my day or did that make my day?! It just shows how pure and precious little ones are.

Another thing that I am enjoying right now is Carter's huge love for music. Last night he was singing Stereo Love while I sat there both amused and surprised. "What? You know that song?" Actually, he sings when doing almost anything. He sings to himself while he plays or when he is really focused on something. I get a good giggle out of it when he adds a high note or his own made up words to a song.

Aside from motherhood, there's not much else going on here. I am just doing my best to take care of myself and my family, to force myself to get dressed and made up when I am not feeling my best, to stop stressing over the little things, to keep up with cleaning, to keep up with the regularness as I call it. And that's the beauty of it: what I began this post with, the thought of my boring life that is unworthy of sharing, may not be exciting but because it is plain and ordinary it can be related to. We all have our own boring stuff and tough stuff that we want to mask or spice up or prettify. Interestingly, if we just lay it out as it is, it all suddenly makes sense and is worth sharing.

Hope you guys enjoyed this small update and I am wishing you a wonderful week from my corner of the internet! Hugs and kisses!