In the moment

A common piece of advice from the wise is to "live in the now," to stop and be grateful for everything you have and that surrounds you. It is a hard thing to do. Sometimes I have to force myself to pay attention to the present because my mind wanders off into who-knows-where so often.

Last night, that was not the case. I came out of the washroom to see Carter up late and flipping through my journal. Instead of rushing him back to bed like I would usually do, I sat beside him and looked at his plump cheeks and still small hands. I took a moment to appreciate the little details. Then, I could not hold it in any longer and I said, "I love you, Carter." His big brown eyes looked at me and he smiled the most beautiful smile. He understood.

I cannot even begin to explain how amazing and precious of a moment that was. What I spend my every second thinking about and trying to express to Carter, he understands. He'll never remember me rocking him back and forth at the late hours of the night when he was an infant, but I did it because I love him. He won't fully understand how I sacrifice time and energy to be both a mom and a student until he's in his late teens, but I do it because I love him. And though he may not totally realize the things I do because I love him, I am over the moon to know that he feels it. That is a mom's greatest wish - for her child to be loved, to feel love, to know love.

And so, my son's eyes brought me to the present and it felt extraordinary. Being in the moment makes all of my blessings and dreams so clear. Personally, I am so thankful to be a mom and to have Carter. Yes, I am young. I do get asked how I do it or hear comments like, "Oh my goodness. I could never do that" or "That must be hard." And sometimes comments from my peers make me feel so old and I have to tell myself that they will understand later in life. But despite the fact that I haven't finished my university degree and my life has taken some turns that are not usual, I am living my dream. Completely and honestly. When I shove all of the complaints in my head aside, how can I say that this is not a dream? I am safe and loved and I have Kyle and Carter.

My blessings aren't disguised. They are right in my arms.