Becoming a mom {Just Write}

I stared at the blank ceiling while nurses, surgeons, an obstetrician and an anesthesiologist scrambled around me. My teeth chattered. The rest of my body shivered from the chilly room and the epidural. I tuned out the voices in the room, hoping not to hear details that would make me even more nervous. The preparation for my surgery continued as the anesthesiologist checked how well the anesthetics were working. He rubbed a wet cotton pad on my bulging stomach. “Is it warm or cold? How about here?” His questions reminded me that the procedure was about to start. I wondered what was taking Kyle so long. I let out a heavy breath when Kyle paced into the room. He wore blue scrubs, a mask, and a cap.

“How are you doing, babe?” He asked.

“I’m so nervous. What took you so long?” I uncontrollably shook.

“It took a while to get dressed. Look at what I’m wearing. Don’t I look cute?” Kyle looked down at the foreign outfit he had on. I forced out a smile and held Kyle’s hand. My smile disappeared and my anxiety rose as a nurse draped a sheet over me. I could no longer see my stomach, not that I wanted to. A doctor muttered a few quick words to me and Kyle and suddenly the Cesarean began.

I glanced up at Kyle and focused on his dark brown eyes to take my mind off the awkward tugging sensation I felt. Kyle repeatedly ran his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes, I breathed deeply, and the shaking intensified. Kyle reassured me, “It’s okay, baby. I love you. You’re doing well.”

The pulling sensation became stronger and more uncomfortable. I winced with each tug. Someone pushed down on my stomach and another pulled. Kyle’s eyes widened and a loud, screeching, newborn cry harmoniously matched the sound of mine. “It’s a boy!” A doctor exclaimed. The team of nurses and doctors whisked the baby away to a nearby table and Kyle followed. I tried to peer at my son from the cold operating table I laid on. Kyle flashed the camera and turned to smile at me.

I whispered, “Is he okay? Is everything alright?”

A nurse quickly brought my baby next to my face. She held his two ankles together with her other hand behind his head. “Meet your son.” I could not believe that such a precious infant, swollen and covered in white, grew inside of me. I smiled and desperately wanted to hold him but again, after only two seconds, he was carried away. Kyle quickly kissed my forehead and then trailed behind a line of nurses and our little boy out of the operating room. The other doctors stitched and cleaned me up. I faced the ceiling and its blankness and kept telling myself, “I’m a mom.”